Recently I have been utterly shocked by how some business communication is done in Britain.

When starting a company, you obviously need to setup a bank account at some point. And of course you want to make an informed decision at which bank you are going to open it, etc.

Considering I have my personal account at Barclays, I have decided to check them out first. Typically the website information leaves plenty of questions to be asked, so I arranged an appointment. So far so good you might think… However by this point only I had to deal with several phone calls during work hours, telling me on some occasions that I cannot request to be contacted after 5, or on other occasions, that they will try to arrange that.

Confusing? I would say yes. Not everyone who intends to start a business has whole days to spare and chit chat with sales people on the phone. Especially when it is just a simple enquiry, and the website claims that lines are open to 6pm. Some people actually work at work, you know…

In the end I got someone to call at a later hour and after a brief discussion we arranged a meeting, which we initially agreed to split into two consecutive days, as my lunchtime would not allow for one and a half hour brake. I was asked to pass my details via text message at the end of the conversation. And so i did. And imagine might slight surprise when I got back the reply:

“Thanku john local business managr”

I’ve changed the guys name, but kept original spelling, including lowercase on his own name. OK, admittedly he had an Indian accent, I though, sounded reasonably young, and obviously it was after his work hours so maybe he was in a hurry. I decided not to jump to conclusions too fast and give the guy a chance.

The meeting was quite some time away, as it was the time of the Christmas break, so I was bound to get a reminder after getting back from my holidays in Poland. And so I did:

“Hi dnt 4get our business appt @ 127 HIgh st slough @ barclays @ 12.30pm ne problems call me john”

Again all original spelling, I double checked that I haven’t made any typos… By now you have probably realised I’m not a big fan of text speak. I do tolerate it if it comes from a friend or colleague, especially if they are still under twenty. However as a potential client I find things like the above appalling.

You do not have to resort to text speak in order to be understandable. It’s not like it’s either legal talk or text speak. I think there is plenty of good English in between those two.

Secondly I am here to do business, not to find friends. It is nice to see such institutions like banks using text messages to communicate with people, but language standards have been created for a reason. Yes, if you are wondering, I am equally petty about Polish, as I am about English. Finally it is one things to make mistakes, and another to butcher the language on purpose…

How a Business Manager Becomes a Sales Person

The day of the meeting came and I finally met my soon-to-be business manager in person. Surprisingly he wasn’t as young as I expected, considering all the texts (yes, there were more than the two above).

As my business is going to be an online venture, concentrated rather on micro-payments rather and alternative income sources, rather than direct interaction with clients, I do not need most of the typical business tools for “normal” startups. And I made sure I outlined that just at the start of our conversation. No employees, and no income for a certain period of time.

Everything seemd to go fine, I got answers to most of my questions, however I had to constantly repeat myself. I won’t need this, no, I won’t need that. I don’t want a program to store my clients details, as I won’t be having clients per se. At some point the discussion turned into him constantly trying to push their “free” software and me repeatedly saying I don’t need 90% of it’s features, and the stuff I need I can either do on paper, or find a free solution.

I’m saying “free” software, because although it did not cost you as such, there was a monthly fee for the account that came with it. Half way through the conversation it looked more like a hard sell, than an advice session. It made me wonder what kind of commission they get for pushing the software on unaware beginning business owners.

Another thing I noticed, was that he was taking an awful lot of formal details about me and my business, and weaving forms after forms to fill. Before I go any further let me just say I made it perfectly clear, I am looking to evaluate the banks offer and get my questions answered. I never mentioned opening the account right then and there. And in fact I was never openly asked whether I wanted to do so.

Near the end of the meeting I asked if he realizes I am not opening an account today. The guy looked at me a bit surprised and started saying, that I should have said so earlier, as we wouldn’t have filled all these forms etc.

Well I’ll say one thing: what a load of rubbish (not to use a harsher expression). It seems to be an annoying trend among sales people, to start signing you up, while they discuss the product or service. I guess a lot of people will feel pressured into joining, even though they were only checking out their options.

I’m still checking out mine, and Barclays right now is pretty low on the list of my bank choices.